It hasn’t always been easy being single. Even in learning to rely on Jesus, and truly seeing Him as my beloved, there are some times of loneliness that still come up. I am at the point in my life where I can really resonate with what Katie Davis Majors wrote about singleness, and just really being happy (maybe a bit stubbornly so) with the thought of life being just me and Jesus, together forever.
But what is a single person supposed to do? Each of us has an individual calling from the Lord, but it can seem like married couples have a clearer map to follow than single people. There is so much to learn about caring for and considering another person even before children come along, and then life is a whirlwind of keeping them fed, loved, and in one piece through terrible twos and teens years, and then teaching them to be adults and parents for themselves.
That’s certainly an oversimplification of the process, but to a single person, it can be hard to figure out where to focus your energy if not on finding a way to get married and start a family.
Culture tells us that this is this is the season for self-love and self-discovery, but, as Tai and Anna have written before, that way of thinking never gets us very far. We can do all “twenty things to do while you’re in your twenties” and still come out more confused than before we started. What is easy to overlook is that all of culture leans this way. A focus on “me time” is more noticeable in the lives of singles because they seem to have less of an obligation to take care of others. God’s people were not meant to live this way.
In Matthew chapter twelve, Jesus said that “whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.” (verse fifty) And in the book of Acts, “not one of them claimed that anything belonging to him was his own, but all things were common property to them.” (Acts 4:32)
God’s people were made to be a family: a family that extends beyond our blood relatives. As Tai wrote, that does not mean that we have to be stay-at-home daughters until are married. But it also doesn’t mean that our lives must be mainly focused on our own interests or on our work lives.
One profound way I have been learning to be a part of God’s family is by using the time I have to support my brothers and sisters who do have greater family commitments. I am still at a stage of life where there are not many variables that would make it hard to change up my schedule if I need to do something. I cannot imagine how great a responsibility it is to support a family at work, go home and make sure they are fed, loved, and doing well in school, maybe staying up with them at night when they are sick, then getting them up for school in the morning and doing it all over again. Some of my colleagues do this sort of thing every day, and it is a huge blessing to me to know that I can help them in it by picking up odd tasks (turns our I love doing certain kinds of paperwork), or filling in if a sick family member needs care that day. An added bonus is that I have also been learning many things that will be a huge benefit when I have a family of my own. And that is just my own experience. There are so many people who could use a little more family support. The elderly might need a chat or a hand with the heavy lifting. Maybe a single mom could use a friend stopping by for some girl time, a grocery shopping buddy, or a babysitter for the evening so she can wear jewelry again. A dear pastor or leader might appreciate the lawn mowed so he can spend time with his family or take care of some of God’s other family members.
As a single person, I also have fewer complications if the Lord calls me to the mission field. It might not be your call, but it is a reason to be in prayer.
If you’re not yet called to sell everything and move into the jungle, think about how you do use your resources. If you have a good job and a family support network, you might have the opportunity to splurge on hobbies and hanging out with friends more often than others people who are supporting families. In what ways could you be supporting God’s family? What are some of the dreams, needs, or wishes among your friends, church family, or community? Is there a woman at church who could use some flowers today? Is there a younger person who might need a big sister to take them for ice cream? Has an emergency come up for a friend, making it harder to make ends meet? Would it really make a friend’s day if someone caught the check at lunch? This can be a tricky subject, since some people find it embarrassing when when another person meets their financial needs. There are also cases where giving money might encourage a harmful lifestyle. Always been in prayer about how the Lord can best use what you have, but don’t be afraid to overcome your inhibitions when He shows you how to bless His family.
Be especially generous with your prayers. Just knowing that someone else is willing to take a few minutes out of their day to intercede for them really touches so many people’s hearts. So many of these things can be great random acts of kindness, but take it a step forward and get to know and love the hearts of your family in Christ. Don’t be afraid to adopt someone! Take the love Jesus has given you and show His family how He cares for them. He’ll use His family to take care of you too.