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Broken Girl Examining Our Hearts Following Jesus Fruitfulness Struggles

Lord, Will I Be Remembered?

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I’m off like a shot again as soon as I get the inkling that there is something more I can do for the Lord.  Whenever I get antsy, I want to do all of the things that have brought me close to Him before.  I hate to waste a moment, so let me read one of the thickest books in the Bible all in one sitting, or let me fast for a day or two, or pray for someone for a few hours so that they can know the peace and joy of the Lord.  And that does not even cover active ministry.  Let me give everything I have to offer to care for others.  Let me spend all of my free time sharing with everyone the truth of the gospel.

And I get to the end, and I fall apart.

There are so many people around me that need Jesus.  There are so many which He has entrusted to me.  My heart has ached to see how much suffering there is in my small corner of the world.  And yet I can see no fruit…  I have done what I know the Lord has asked of me.  What have I missed?  I know that I get more busy than I should when the Lord would have me be still; He has to remind me so often to be patient and to wait on Him.  He also has my failures and shortcomings with which to work.  I know that I have so much to learn, and that He is used to working through the most broken of people.  It hurts to accept that I have failed, but I know that my God is bigger than that.

I know that I am young.  I do have so much to learn.  The Lord will grow me into the roles and ministries He has prepared for me, and open them to me when His time comes, but for now, I have none of it figured out.  I don’t regret anything I’ve given to the Lord, but I know that He fed over five thousand with a boy’s five loaves and two fish.  Sometimes I wonder if what I have given Him has even fed five.

Retrospect can make it so difficult to relate to the stories in the Bible.  I can quickly read through to see how they end if I do not know already.  The outcome of my own actions lacks that handy feature, so it is easy to forget or simply not understand what it was for patriarchs and disciples to have faith in the moment, because from my side of history, they are all great historic figures and heroes already.  I can hope to be remembered the same way, but how can I know how to live so that I will be when so much that I do seems to come to nothing?

“Truly I say to you, wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done shall also be spoken of in memory of her.”
~Matthew 26:13

Can you imagine how this woman must have felt, to hear Jesus say this of her?  My heart yearns to know that what I do for the Lord can have that lasting impact.  So how did this woman do to gain this priceless recognition from the Son of God?

If we start back at verse seven, we read the story of a woman who comes to Jesus and anoints Him with perfume.  The book of Mark adds that this perfume could easily have been sold for three hundred day’s wages.  This perfume, worth almost a year’s labor, was her life savings.

It makes me ashamed to admit that when I give as generously to the Lord as she did, and do not see the results I expect, a large part of me comes to Jesus with His other indignant disciples and wants to demand “Why this waste?”  Nearly a year’s labor, and no one is fed, no one is clothed, and no one seems to love You any more than the day I started!  I don’t mean to blame Jesus for what I perceive as failures, but that is what I often end up doing.

How we measure success is everything.  This woman’s main goal was to show Jesus how much she loved Him.  Is it any surprise that John chapter twelve identifies her as Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha?  I still have so much to learn from her example.  When all is said and done, I want to know that I did what I did to show Jesus how much I love Him.  It is a struggle, but I want to give to Him unreservedly, regardless of what I or the world see because of it.  He sees, and He understands that same struggle.  When there were five thousand people following Him, He fed them with abundance.  They followed Him after that so that they could see more miracles and eat more food.  Instead, He began to feed them with the truth of salvation, and many of them left because it would cost them too much.

That success I have desired is not as valuable or long term as I would have thought.  The Lord has promised that His people will be fruitful, but I’m not always sure what that fruit is.  When I think I know, I often end up chasing the results rather than my Jesus.  I still have much to learn, but I want to spend my time sitting at His feet, giving Him all that I have, and seeking no more than seeing the love in His eyes, whatever may come.

February 28, 2017
Written by: Stephanie
Culture Examining Our Hearts Following Jesus Relationships Struggles

Following Jesus Like Crazy

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I was speaking to my mother recently about some of the reactions I received from friends and peers when I first stopped watching television, and her observations led me to do a lot of thinking.

When I stopped watching movies and TV shows, and stopped reading books and listening to music that I knew were not honoring Jesus, my social circles didn’t take it very well.  Some of my friends really listened.  A few were even excited to see where the Lord would lead me.  I lost some friends who were very dear to me.  Most, however, turned it into a debate on theological and cultural relevance.  The arguments were generally the same; they talked about how important it is to have common ground with the rest of the world, how Jesus has called us to be very “in the world” people, and how cowardly or deceived they themselves had been when thinking the same way as I now did.  When they could see that I meant to follow Jesus without popular media and wouldn’t change my mind, the discussion would end with the promise that they would pray for me—in the way that indicated they would ask Jesus to make me normal again.

As I was recounting this to my mother, she tacked on an interesting thought.

“If you had told them that you had been reading way too much of the Bible lately, and that you were going to take a break–”

I was baffled at the truth of the thought before she even finished saying it.

They probably would have been fine with it.

Some probably would even have been curious and interested in it.  I don’t say that simply because any of them disagreed with my either.  I know there would have been some who would have at least cautioned me not to take it too far.  Others would probably give me the conversational equivalent of a tackle, or hold an intervention.  Still, most (though certainly not all) of those to whom I spoke about giving up television—knowing me to be a theology nerd—would have been at least curious, if not in full support of me cutting back on my time with Jesus.

I had to think on it for a while after that conversation.  I thought of the fact that most Christians probably wouldn’t notice the difference in a fellow believer’s life if they stopped reading their Bible.  As long as they are still involved in church, and do their best to be nice, would you or I know the difference?  Would they even seem more normal and pleasant?  Do we even know how much the Christians around us spend time with Jesus?

I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the path of recent Christian history, it became embarrassing for Christians (the people who name themselves after Jesus) to know Him, talk about Him, spend time with Him, obey Him, and love Him more than life, limb, family, and the world around us.  It is hardly even spoken of if a Christian is acting in a way that pulls them away from Jesus, because “we shouldn’t judge them” and “we don’t know what is in their hearts.”  So we all label ourselves as “Christians”, but we identify with sports, or characters in movies, or celebrities, our our favorite hobbies, or what school we attend.  That is why so many became offended when I stopped watching television.  In many ways, Christianity is a label, but popular culture is a lifestyle.

Does that make your heart weep?

It all reminds me of what C.S. Lewis wrote in The Last Battle.  All of the talking animals were afraid to speak up when there was a fake lion pretending to be the real Aslan.  They had always been told that Aslan was “not a tame lion,” so how could they argue if He was not the way they thought He would be?  They didn’t know Him.

The real devil has done this in the real world so long, that we are afraid to imagine that there is a true Jesus who can be seen, and heard, and touched, and known.  What if we offend Him be presuming to know Him when we do not?  Best to leave Him as a symbol, and Christianity a label, and focus on things in the “real” world, like celebrities and long novels.

So then, the very reason that Christians are offended when I give up popular culture, and when I talk too much about Jesus and read my Bible more than is natural in someone my age, is exactly why I must talk about Jesus even more and read my Bible more than anyone ever has, if I can.

Because Jesus is real.  I know Him.  True, I don’t know Him much when compared with how infinitely more I can know Him, but how can that mean that I should never try?  It would offend Him to presume that He lies when He says that He wants us to know Him more than anything else in the world.

My dear Sister, never compromise your relationship with Jesus in order to be trendy or culturally relevant.  Trust Him.  Trust Him, and when your friends, family, and peers push you to be normal again, push harder into His presence.  Push like crazy, because crazy is all that the world will see.  Pray.  Seek Him, know Him, obey Him, and watch all that He will show you along the way.  The adventure of knowing Him is without compare.  After all, He isn’t safe, but He is good.
He’s not a tame lion.  We cannot be docile Christians.
February 21, 2017
Written by: Stephanie
Examining Our Hearts Fruitfulness Relationships Struggles

How to Have the WORST Valentines Day EVER!

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“‘Worst?’ Why would I want to have the *WORST* Valentine’s Day ever?”

 

Well, that is a good question. But…you’re reading the article now, aren’t you. 😉
However, this sentiment is basically exactly what our actions speak about what is going on in our hearts. The moping, the self-pity, the long sighs…all these things shout, “I’m having a terrible Valentine’s Day! Pity me!”

Now, being a single-twenty something has its perks. More time to myself, the ability to travel freely, lots of ‘girl time’ with friends, and being able to pour out into others’ lives in a unique way. Even though I have hard days where I’m longing over Pinterest boards, I am learning to be honored that the Lord entrusted me with this time of my life. I want to learn every lesson He would teach me. Right here. Right now.

This being said, when February rolls around, it is associated with a magic number. “14”.

Ahhhh..Valentine’s Day.

Jokingly called Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.), it is one day where singles tend to feel left out of the ‘club’. Advertisements for Cards, Roses, and Chocolates bombard your senses in every store. Exclusive ‘Valentines Day’ perfumes tantalize your sense as you walk past Mall kiosks.

So what’s a (single) girl to do? I mean, aside from buying all that chocolate for *yourself*?

As I alluded to before, one of the most common (and easiest) reactions is self-pity. ‘Another year…alone’. I fall into this snare often; however, I don’t want to stay there and I don’t want YOU to stay there. My social circle consists of mostly 12-19 year olds, most of whom are girls. I don’t exactly have hoards of young beaus flocking to my door. But this year, I want to share with you a few things (personal and then practical) that the Lord has reminded me of this week—truths to cling to when you feel alone.

1)      God honors prayers. He hears us. He hears our heart’s desires. He remembers prayers that have been prayed, even when WE don’t remember praying them! If you have a desire to be married, know that God hears you. I don’t know what the future holds for you. But, the truth is, He has HIS best in mind for us. It may not always be clear—but He knows and remembers us. Even this week, the Lord reminded me that I have prayed for my heart’s protection ever since I was little. Even though it is “natural” human desire to appreciate attention, I have earnestly prayed that the Lord would be my Guard—that He would keep all the “Mr. NOT-Right”s away. I don’t want attention for the sake of attention. I want God’s best. In little steps, He is teaching me to be thankful and cherish His protection over my heart.

 

2)      The Lord reminded me this week that singleness is also His opportunity to care for me in a special way. It may not always be the world’s perspective of ‘fun’, but it is so special. To curl up on your bed and spend time talking to the One who understands the core of your soul? Priceless. I have seen the Lord care for me as a Father by providing for my every financial need, my emotional needs, and my spiritual needs. Ask Him to take care of you. He loves to do it!

 

3)      He is the best Valentine Date. Ever. Last Valentine’s Day, I went on a walk with Him through the field near my house. I cannot express the contentment of a soul when it is in the presence of Jesus Christ. In Him, we are made whole. In Jesus, insecurities don’t exist. There is no comparison. There is no size requirement. There is nothing lacking, because He is our all. His voice is the one we long most to hear. His is the wisdom which baffles man. His is the love which isn’t hinged upon our “performance”. He is God. The one whom my soul loves, and longs to know MORE. He is my favorite Valentine…and He can really be yours, too.

 

So, here’s the practical. If you WANT to have the WORST Valentine’s Day ever, feel free to wallow in self-pity. But…if you want to have a joyful, and even fruitful day…why not try out some of these ideas instead! Here are a few things I have done which get my focus off myself and back on serving others.

1)      Get dressed up and go out to eat with some girl friends

2)      Host a girl night at your house/dorm room

3)      Make Valentines and send them to Widows, Single friends, etc.

4)      Bake Cookies and give them to others (Law enforcement, mail carriers, etc)

5)      Make a special dinner for your family

6)      Find verses about “love” and make decorations for your house/room

7)      Watch a couple’s children so they can have a (probably much needed) night out

 

What about you? How do you celebrate Valentine’s day—single or married! Do you have any new ideas for this year that you’re going to give a try??

by Anna Faith.

February 12, 2017
Written by: TAI
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