I have had lots of heartaches and disappointments when it comes to friendships. These things can make me hesitant, at best, when it comes to investing in new relationships. I find myself struggling, wondering if it is worth the time and effort….wondering if (or, more accurately: “when”) this person is going to just move on with their life, making new and better friends, not even remembering I exist. And, it can be hard saying goodbye to someone who has become a new friend – never knowing if I will even ever see them again. And with our not-so-normal lives (always traveling, always at the whim of others as to where we will be, when we will be leaving, how long we will be gone, etc.), I am confronted with these things a lot. There’s just nothing that you can ever count on to be the same from one day to the next. And throughout my life, I have had so many friends who have moved on in life, or moved away, or walked away from the Lord and, consequently, didn’t really want to hang out with me any more.

All that to say….I have a hard time opening my heart to people. It might surprise you to hear me say that, but it is true. I have lost so many friends, that I have a tendency to put up walls in my heart to not let myself get too close, or too attached, so that “WHEN” they leave too, I don’t have to deal with the hurt, and the loneliness.

And so, I have learned to turn off my heart. I cease caring. I don’t want to risk loving. And yet….lately, I have felt so strongly that Jesus has been asking me to let myself love people. And, more, to let HIM love people the way HE wants, through me.

 

A New Perspective

The other day I was thinking about friendships that had formed, but where God was calling them elsewhere yet again….and, with a bit of grumbling, I asked God, “Why, Lord? Why do we always have to say goodbye? Why does it seem like I can’t ever have friends who stick around? I don’t want to struggle so much to love people, but…aren’t I kind of justified here, in the way I’m feeling? I mean….look — you don’t see any friends here, do you?”

But God just started speaking to me, and gave me a really sweet perspective.  I’ll do my best to try to explain.

He showed me that every moment I invest in a friendship here on earth translates into eternity. Every moment spent loving someone is a moment — a memory — that transfers into Heaven. If I spend just one afternoon loving someone, and making memories with them, and then never see them again on earth during my lifetime, I will STILL recognize them in heaven. And not only will I recognize them, but we will have an instant, meaningful connection that is a deeper connection than with just about anyone else there — because we actually spent time together on earth. As little or much as it may have been, it is still a touchpoint that we will have between us forever. A memory together that goes “way back”.

So God was gently showing me that I don’t have to be afraid of investing in friendships. In fact, each opportunity that I take to pour into someone, and to let myself love them fully will reach into eternity. Loving someone is never pointless or a waste of time, but each time I let myself love them, a bond of friendship that can’t be taken from us is nurtured…and in Heaven, we will meet upon some side street sometime, and immediately have that bond — that connection — from our moments together on earth, that goes even deeper than with all of the multitudes that I never knew on earth (granted, I’ll probably meet them all eventually, and probably become close friends….but there will still be that special connection with those I loved on earth). And we’ll be just as comfortable to run out to a quiet field somewhere to catch up on the past several hundred years, and where God took each of us, and what happened when we were apart.

 

Heaven-Bound Friendships

And it is just so sweet, because there is no time limit on heaven-bound friendship, like the friendships of this world have. And, being creatures born of this world, we so often feel that same press of time upon us…..that feeling of there being a real end of our lives, and the struggles that come with that — including the struggle of feeling like you’ll never get to see someone again if they move away.

But for those of us who are heaven-bound, we can rejoice that there will always be a “later”. We don’t have to grapple to cling to a friendship on earth, or melt into a puddle of despair when friends leave us (or we leave them), because we have been blessed with an eternity on the other side of the toils of this life, where, when our labors to rescue souls have come to a rest, we will have all the time we could ever want to be able to spend with each and every person there. We can rejoice that, no matter how many years pass on earth without us meeting, there will always be a “later”. We WILL see them again.

And for now, we can rest in our mission to rescue lost souls…..and not just to rescue them, but to LOVE them…..and thus, to be able to greet them in heaven as well, as dear friends — with a shout of joy and a big, big hug!

 

 

I struggle with lots of things. Shocking, I know. 😛

But one of my biggest ongoing struggles has been wanting to be more fruitful than I am…and, in spite of being on tour half of the year specifically to go around sharing the gospel with people all over North America, with my family, I often feel so useless….and have a list of TONS of things that *I* want to do for the Lord that would be *way* more fruitful than what I’m doing….at least, in my mind, that’s the way it seems.

But, the other day, a thought suddenly came to me…that  my struggles are just like this scenario:

What if my husband came and asked me to go out to dinner with him…and I responded with, “Well…that’s nice, BUT…I already have a list of things that I’m going to do for you that will make you REALLY happy. I’m going to clean the house, vacuum, scrub the floor, and mow the lawn – because I know all that will make you really happy!”

But…what my husband actually wanted was just for me to go to dinner with him. And, while all of those other things might actually *be* a blessing to him at a different time, at that moment, if I was refusing to go out with him so that I could do all those other things instead, OR if I went out, but I was continually talking about how I should actually be doing all of those other things instead because they would have been more useful or more of a blessing to him…..that would NOT be actually blessing his heart. AND it would probably both take away from the sweetness of the time that could have been had, and also it would ruin his plans for blessing me and just having a sweet night.

Well, it’s the same with God. There have been times that I know He has asked me to do some “projects” (like my magazine, books, etc.), and when He has asked it of me, He has made it to be in the perfect timing and has blessed it, and caused it to be completed, making my small windows of time to be very efficient.

BUT…if I am continually wishing I could do all these “fruitful” things that I feel would bless Him *more* than what He has set before me right now (like being on tour, being a mommy to two kiddos, etc.), that is really not a blessing to His heart, and in fact, it takes away from the sweetness of being with Him and being faithful in what He has set before me, and fills my heart with discontentment and endless struggles.

I’m praying that God shows me how to be JOYFULLY content in His will, as well as fruitful in being faithful with what He has set before me.

What about you?

 

[If you are encouraged by this post, don’t forget to share it!! Easy share buttons at the end of the post below!]

It happened again this morning.

I got upset. My heart felt thin and cold…and I lost patience with my daughter, and those around me. It wasn’t a big explosion, or an argument…in fact, I didn’t really even say anything. It was just my heart hardening, and raging, and really, just feeling sorry for myself.

I moped away, crying. It was a totally un-related situation that caused the hardening to surface…and yet, as I stewed, I just kept telling myself, “All I wanted was to be able to pray. All I wanted was to have a quiet morning to pray, and to not have to deal with the ceaseless chatter of my daughter…and now? Now I have the weight of my sinful heart to deal with on top of it all! How wrong can it be to just want peace and quiet, and the ability to pray?”

I was hoping for a “magical” opening to pray this morning. Feeling the need of it even stronger than usual, after a restless night, and a headache on top of feeling so, so weary this morning. Not even coffee could make me feel like I could face this day.

I knew the feeling. I’ve gotten quite familiar with it now. It was my spirit longing to be close to it’s Maker. It was my spirit panting for living water. And…it was also my very human heart feeling a tinge of guilt for having not made more of an effort to get up earlier to pray before my daughter woke up…and feeling like I had lost my chance…and not really wanting to own up to my own laziness. I decided it was easier to blame those around me for the way I was feeling, than to admit that my utter emptiness was because I had made excuses, and put forth the effort I needed to, to be filled with the Strength that is not my own for this day.

The truth is…there’s never a “magical” opening to pray, where your environment and circumstances all end up aligning to create that perfect “prayer room” atmosphere. Least of all, when you’re a mommy, and/or have a demanding job, and/or school work that has taken over every free grey cell of your brain. Yeah…I know. I know it all too well. Why? Well, it’s the same for every single one of us. We all think that there’s something “special” or “unusual” about our current situations that gives us an excuse for not having a closer walk with Jesus. We think, “If I can just make it through this ______ (day, week, year), I am sure there is a time coming when I can *actually* just ENJOY spending time with Jesus, and actually have a chunk of time to use each day for seeking Him earnestly.”

BUT…the truth is…we will never find time to pray.

Never.

Ever.

Nope — not gonna happen.

We must make time to pray (yes, I am preaching to myself here, too…as usual). And often, this will include having to wrestle for it, as if it were a 300 pound octopus; with every.drop.of.strength we can muster.

We have to say, “My time with Jesus is the most important part of my day, and I’m going to treat it like that. I can’t live, or have any joy or peace in my day by trying to plow through it in my own strength. I already know that – as much as I may try to ignore it. I know that everything I try to do by myself ends up being unfulfilling, or exhausting, or taking way longer than it should, or just plain being a total flop. I NEED Jesus.”

And then, we must do whatever it takes to take that time captive.

For me, this morning, it meant saying to my 2-year-old daughter, “Can you please go play quietly in your room for a little bit? Mommy just really needs to pray for a while.” And, to my surprise, she went…and I sat on the couch and prayed through my tears…and shouted many, “Hallelujah’s” out loud. Even when she crept back into the living room, she whispered to herself, knowing that I was praying, and needed to not be interrupted. (There went all my distress over being *certain* I had missed my ONE chance, and wouldn’t be able to even think over her rather loud, bubbly chatter all day long.) I am so grateful that she has grown up in a house of prayer, and that she is beginning to understand, even just a little, the seriousness and need for earnest prayer.

For you, it may be different. Maybe you have many more children…or perhaps, you have children who don’t listen when you ask them to be quiet (as I’ve frequently experienced with mine as well — today was a mercy from God!). Don’t give up! Susanna Wesley had 19 children (yes…you read that right: NINETEEN children), and she would frequently feel that same nudge in her spirit that I felt today, and the one that perhaps you are feeling even now; that thirst and desperate heart cry for Living Water. And, right in the middle of the chaos, and commotion of everyday life with a house FULL of children, she would sit down in her chair, and fling her apron over her head to create just the smallest bit of personal space to be with Jesus…and she would pray for as long as she needed. Her children came to realize that when mommy had her apron over her head, that meant that they were not to disturb her. You CAN do this too, in whatever way you need. It is *not* neglecting your children, it is receiving the strength that you can’t manufacture on your own to be the mommy that they need.

Perhaps your situation is different entirely. Perhaps it is the busyness of school, or work that seems to crowd out your time with Jesus. The principal is the same: Do what you must, but don’t neglect that most needed time with the Lord. Sacrifice an hour of sleep to pray early in the morning. Use your lunch break. Don’t go to sleep without sweet communion with the Lord, and soaking up His Word. Surrender your time to surf the web, and pray instead. Don’t watch that TV show — pray! Do whatever you must…but pray. Oh, dear fellow child of God…we must not neglect time to really, earnestly pray — it is our life, and our breath! And even in the most extreme situations, don’t despise grabbing just 15 minutes here and there. A little time to pray is better than none at all! And it will add up! It is remarkable what battles can be won, and what peace can be obtained in just 15 minutes of concentrated, earnest prayer.

So be encouraged to seek the time with Jesus each day…and to take hold of it!

What are some ways you can “capture” that time to pray in your own day?

 

[Don’t forget to share this post! And leave us your thoughts below! We LOVE to hear your comments and questions!]

Esther, from Wellness Mom Life says in the comments: “Such a beautiful post. I too used to think that I would magically be given time to pray – that somehow it would be dropped in my lap. I’ve now realized that does not happen, as you said. I do my best to get up earlier now, so that I have specific time alone with God before I start my day. And I also do my best to talk to God all day long. To acknowledge Him in every part of my day – not just when I have a crisis. But this is a great reminder that moms CAN make time for prayer – we just have to be intentional about it!”